This is so hard and difficult to write because what has happened is still so fresh, but I need to share how I’m feeling and hopefully work on a bit of prevention with my beautiful friend.
One of my dear friends has this week attempted suicide twice. She knows who she is, and to protect her this letter will remain anonymously addressed.
My darling friend,
Please, don’t kill yourself. I don’t think you quite comprehend how terrifying it was to be told the first time, let alone the second, what you’d done and that you were in hospital. I don’t think you quite know how many tears I cried and how much I wished I could be there, 80 odd miles away to hold your hand.
I may not know your illness, but I know how it feels to think everyone and everything is against you. I know how easy it is to isolate yourself and to feel like you have nobody when in fact you have so many people who love and care for you.
It’s okay to feel the way you’re feeling, and it’s okay to wish you were somewhere else. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t tried it, a long time ago. But I’m here, and I’ll always be here. I’ll be here for you to sob to, to moan to, to rant to. Whatever you need, I’ll be there. I may not always be there physically due to the whole geography thing, but I’ll always be there in spirit and I’m always at the end of the phone. If you need me, I’m here.
So, please, next time you feel like utter crap and like you have nowhere to turn, read this letter. Read it and know that you do have another option, and that I’d drive 80 or 80,000 miles to stop you trying this again.
Now, I don’t want to overdo it, so I’ll leave you with this…
I love you so much, bestie.