A Reflection and Hopes for the Future

s my daughter’s 2nd birthday approaches, I’ve found myself reflecting on the last 2 years as a mother. Things I could have done better, times when my daughter made me so proud and times when I felt like giving up.

As my daughter’s 2nd birthday approaches, I’ve found myself reflecting on the last 2 years as a mother. Things I could have done better, times when my daughter made me so proud and times when I felt like giving up.
In the 2 years Evie has been here, she has grown so much and made me the proudest I have ever been. Sure, she has her days but I wouldn’t change her for the world.

Things I wish I had done better:
• I wish I had taken more pictures with her. I have thousands of pictures of Evie but very few with me and her, and the ones I do have are unexpected selfies with her looking very bewildered.
• I wish I had done more with her. We spent a lot of time at home or at grandparents houses, so going out and doing more things with her would have been lovely!
• I wish I had more patience with her. I found myself getting frustrated if she wouldn’t feed, if she was misbehaving or just generally having a bad day. She was probably not even that bad but at times, it felt like a disaster if she wouldn’t do something.

Proud moments:
• When Evie started crawling, I cried my eyes out. My little girl was gaining independence and growing up that little bit more. But I also cried because I was immensely proud of how much determination she had to get it done.
• Knowing that, at 2 years old, she knows around 200 words, can form some sentences and use them appropriately makes me feel so proud. She’s learning new words everyday and it’s always exciting to see what she will say next.
• Watching her with her cousins , especially her baby cousin. She will ‘look after’ her and knows when she is sad and tries to help make her happy again (usually involves screaming ‘MILK!’ at her auntie.

Hopes for the next 2 years:
• That Evie grows up to be independent and follows what she believes in, not what everybody else believes in.
• To take more pictures and urge Daddy to take more as well!
• Take Evie to experience more things. Only so much can be experienced at home and being outdoors is one of Evie’s favourite things to do.

I can’t wait to see what the next 2 years will bring and I cant believe I’m about to be a mother of a 2 year old.  I know that Evie will continue to make me as proud as she has done her whole life and I cant wait to see her learn and grow!

If you liked this you may enjoy reading…

Bleeding in pregnancy

I was 27 weeks pregnant when I was admitted to hospital with abdominal cramps and PV bleeds, my little boy’s chance of making it to his due date was cut short as the doctor told me the SCBU at our hospital was full and I was being prepped to be transferred to another hospital where I would face delivering my little boy early when he was weighing just 2lb 2oz.

 
Bleeding in pregnancy can sometimes be referred to as PV bleeds 

Around 20-25% of women will experience PV bleeds in their first trimester, whereas bleeding in the second and third trimester is less common.

Bleeding in early pregnancy can be a sign of either miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy. Whereas bleeding in later stages of pregnancy can have different meanings.

The most common bleed is known as an “implantation bleed” which is when the fertilised egg implants itself into the lining of a uterus. An implantation bleed is discharge or spotting and is usually pinkish or dark brown, implantation bleeding tends to only happen will the egg is attaching itself into the uterus, it may last anything from a few hours or 1-2 days.
I was 27 weeks pregnant when I was admitted to hospital with abdominal cramps and PV bleeds, my little boy’s chance of making it to his due date was cut short as the doctor told me the SCBU at our hospital was full and I was being prepped to be transferred to another hospital where I would face delivering my little boy early when he was weighing just 2lb 2oz.
It was a magical moment when the bleeding stopped.I had an urgent ultrasound which showed that there was no known cause for the bleed. I began to puzzle even my doctors… Here was this 27 week pregnant lady who was having PV bleeds but with no cause, my little boy’s growth took a dip and I was kept in hospital for nearly a month of monitoring. I was told every time I bled, I was to add 24 hours to the chances of me going home.

“well Miss Simkins, we don’t know why you’re bleeding, but we’ll monitor your little baby’s growth and keep an eye on you and look at your delivery options” 

Pregnancies with PV bleeds tend to result in small babies. So I was having scans every 2 weeks and gradually Oliver’s growth began to pick up, and as he grew more, my chance of having a natural birth was increasing too. At my last growth scan the sonographer chuckled and told me he weighed 8lb 5oz with still 3-4 weeks to go!

One thing my midwife told me was that I was no longer able to have a water birth and I would no longer be able to deliver on the low-risk unit. I would now have to deliver on the high risk labour ward as I was booked to be induced due to the PV bleeds.
There are many causes for PV bleeds during pregnancy but they can all mean different things and should be reported to a medical professional immediately. To determine what is causing the bleeding, your doctor may request an internal examination, ultrasound and blood tests.
I was incredibly fortunate and ended up having a perfectly healthy baby boy born on his due date weighing 8lb 11oz.

Baby Bonding Guilt

When you’re pregnant, people try to prepare you for the birth. They tell you about their birth stories, some of which may be more like horror stories to a first time pregnant mum! They ask you your birthing plan. They even tell you that you won’t sleep properly again, or at least for 18 years…

But no one prepares you for what I found a real struggle
…the bonding.

You spend your 9 months of pregnancy preparing. You buy all the bits you’re going to need, you stock up on what feels like, (but never is), more than enough nappies and baby wipes. You plan and sort out a welcoming nursery. You prepare the hospital bag and write your plan with the midwife. You get excited! This little baby is going to complete you!

But what if no matter how much you want this baby, no matter how much you have planned and no matter how much you want to love this baby.

What if when they’re born you don’t feel anything?

I hope that by talking about  it I can encourage mothers and fathers to be more open about their feelings and to not feel ashamed if they found the bonding process hard and not immediate. I truly believe that this affects more people than they’re willing to admit. After all, who wants to admit that they don’t love their baby? No one!  I want to show others that they shouldn’t feel guilt and shame, it will come in time even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

Giving birth to a baby, as everyone says, very rarely goes to plan. But even if you are fairly relaxed on what you want during your birth, it doesn’t mean that you won’t be left thinking about it afterwards. Births can be traumatic and they can leave mums feeling as though they didn’t do things properly. Perhaps they had a C-section, rather than the vaginal birth they had hoped for. Perhaps they needed plenty of rest following the birth so weren’t able to be as active and do as much of the feeding in the early days. Perhaps they had trouble breast feeding their baby. Perhaps the baby had colic and wasn’t able to sleep comfortably very easily. These can really affect a mum’s and dad’s ability to bond, even though these are things completely out of their control!

What you’re not told is that the bonding process can take a few days, a few weeks or even months and if you’re one of those people who it takes time for, it can fill you with feelings of guilt; this is what I felt, I felt like an awful parent. It may seem that every other parent has this instant bond with their child but in all honesty I don’t think that is the case for a lot of people and I think that parents feel uncomfortable to admit to it because they worry that others will think they don’t care about their baby. This couldn’t be further from the truth!

The health visitors will suggest ways of helping… skin to skin, which is lovely, but if you’re unable to pick up your baby because you’re in pain or if you are having trouble because the desire to do so isn’t there, then that can be hard.

They will most likely suggest breastfeeding which is viewed by many as a good bonding method. However, I feel that if you’ve been unable to breastfeed for a number of reasons, (you can read our breastfeeding stories), then it can be unhelpful for the health visitors to push this suggestion because it may increase the mother’s feelings of guilt.

I think that in those early days that it’s made harder because of the broken sleep. The fact you are doing all these things for your baby and not getting much in return can make it difficult. It may sound daft but once you are recognised by your baby and you get reactions from them, which could be something as little as a smile, it makes the bonding so much easier. Even without these reactions, your baby knows you from your smell, your heartbeat and your voice, they’re just working out ways they can communicate with you.

These are some things I tried that you might like to try too:

  • Singing to your baby.
  • Talking to your baby.
  • Reading to your baby so they get to recognise your voice.
  • Lying next to your baby.
  • Wearing your baby in a sling.
  • Baby massage.
  • If possible, holding your baby against your chest.

Please remember that you are doing your best. It may seem like every other parent is finding parenting a walk in the park but I can assure you they’re most probably not! If you’re finding the bonding process hard it is not a reflection on you as a parent. Your body and mind have been through a huge change! The birth and early days may not have gone exactly as you’d planned as well and this is not your fault!

It is so important to forgive yourself for these feelings and to seek help if you feel you need it, there really is no shame in talking about this. You are an amazing parent and you will get through this difficult time, it might take a few months, but that’s not something you should feel ashamed about. Other parents you know got there earlier, that is their parenting journey. You will get the close bond with your baby that you have looked forward to throughout your pregnancy and it will be worth the wait. Some things you can plan for during the pregnancy, unfortunately this is one of those things you can’t and you don’t expect it to happen to you. I hope that by talking about this that other parents won’t feel alone like I did in those early months. When I look back on those times I don’t associate it with those bad feelings anymore, I only remember the good.

Writing this has made me feel quite emotional because I now have such an inseparable bond with my daughter and we are so happy. I hope my daughter knows how much she means to me everyday and I ho
pe she never doubts my love for her. I never saw myself getting here but once I did it made me feel like the richest woman alive. I have no doubt that you will get there too. 


Lucy At Home

Debunking Breastfeeding Myths

I was left wondering so many things about breastfeeding after birth and I usually turned to Facebook groups or Google to help my through them. No matter how prepared we are to breastfeed, there will always be things we aren’t prepared for.

This week is world breastfeeding week!

As a mother who breastfed her child for the best part of a year, I know that breastfeeding can be hard enough without all the issues that come with it, such as mastitis, teething etc. I was left wondering so many things about breastfeeding after birth and I usually turned to Facebook groups or Google to help my through them. No matter how prepared we are to breastfeed, there will always be things we aren’t prepared for. So here are things I wish I knew during my breastfeeding journey.

Patience
Your baby only has a tiny tummy when they are born, so your colostrum will be enough! Your milk can take up to five days to come in, so don’t think because you are hardly leaking or cannot feel any milk in your boobs, that your baby isn’t getting enough!
Pumping means nothing!
If you’re only getting half an ounce of milk out when pumping, don’t think that your baby is only getting half an ounce. A baby’s sucking is SO much more effective than pumping! If your baby is content, don’t worry!
Leaking!
You may think because you are wearing the most expensive breast pad, you won’t leak through it. Oh how wrong you are. I will always remember being in a cafe, breastfeeding my daughter and leaking through 2 breast pads and a muslin cloth and soaking my top! So be sure to keep spare tops and nursing bras handy!
Your boobs will hurt a lot!
At the start, your boobs will hurt. They are getting used to a tiny human draining them but the pain does go. If the pain is unbearable/ more uncomfortable than usual, it may be worth mentioning to your GP or a Lactation Consultant.
Snacks!
You will get hungry when feeding! So try and keep snacks and a bottle of water in your feeding area. Thus is also handy for when baby is cluster feeding and not letting you move for food!
Crying over spilt milk!
Ignore the saying ‘There’s no point crying over spilt milk’, because there is. Imagine finishing up with pumping, turning to grab something and then knocking over the whole bottle of milk. Whether it is 1 Oz or 8ozs, it will always be super devastating.
Breast is best
No, no it’s not. I have friends who tried everything and anything to get their baby to feed and with no success, they turned to formula. Whether the reason be a tongue tie, traumatic birth etc., what truly matters is that baby is fed. If you are unsuccessful with breastfeeding, do not put yourself down. You are still an amazing mummy, no matter how baby is fed.