Dear Fellow Mama… We all NEED to let our hair down!

One thing I always feel really strongly about is when mums get criticised for going on a night out. Obviously, I’m not saying every week, but once in a while, I think it’s really important that mothers are given the opportunity to go out and let their hair down.

I recently got criticised for going out once/twice a month with friends, and my argument to this is I work full time (plus overtime), as well as having ‘mum duties’. I honestly believe Mums need a night out once every now and then for their wellness – they need that time to switch off and just have a night off.

I really feel for celebrities, stuck in the lime light, who get harshly judged for going on a night out when they do, because as if being a mum isn’t hard enough? God forbid they go out and let their hair down.

I definitely feel that over the years society has almost gone back in time when it comes to motherhood. There is this barbaric idea that we’re stay at home housewives… As if it’s 1950 again, as hard as it is to believe, guess what? Mums are perfectly capable of holding down a career, a home, a social life and raising children.

It’s no secret that I love a night out. I love my job, my friends and most importantly my son. Under no circumstances do I ever sacrifice time with Oliver for that, I work my social life around him. Of course, I link my social life with Oliver wherever I can. I have friends with children and friends without. It was only recently that I went to a garden party arranged through work and my friend Lucy and her fiancé Liam came… They were AMAZING with Oliver! Oliver loved wearing them out and I loved watching them entertain Oliver (side note: cannot wait for them to have a baby because after watching them with Oliver, it’s obvious they’re naturals). Plus there’s my friend Charlotte who recently came to the funfair with me and Oliver, and Oliver loves her to bits, not to mention my mummy friends such as the mummykind girls and Jacey who was even coming on days out with me and Oliver while heavily pregnant! Of course not forgetting Sarah, Oliver’s godmother, fellow mummykind girl and practically my life coach, who is getting mentioned here at her own request 😉

I love having two different groups of friends and being able to have the best of both worlds.

Anyway I’m straying from the topic, where was I? Yes, mums NEED time off. When I was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis one thing my doctor said to me was, when do you get time to yourself? I sat and paused. “Well… When I’m asleep I guess,” and he stressed to me the importance of having time to myself.

Whenever I go out it’s with one of two groups of friends, and each have a different agendas!

Work friends/friends without children

Pros:

  1. Baby free
  2. Always about
  3. Know how to have a good time
Cons
  1. Sometimes cannot understand why I’m not always about
  2. Have a way better alcohol tolerance/stamina than me, leaving me to play catch up
  3. there is usually a drama on a night out
Mum friends
Pros:
  1. Rarely go out so appreciate a night out more
  2. Have the same alcohol tolerance so I’m not feeling like playing catch up
  3. Completely understand if I can’t come out
Cons:
  1. Rarely able to arrange a night we’re all free
  2. When we are all free we’re all too shattered
  3. Mum life – need I say anymore???
So to any mum reading this, sit and ask yourself when was the last time you let your hair down and just had a night off from it all? If it was longer than 3 months then you’re 100% due a good night out with your mates.

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8 things I never thought I’d hear myself say when I became a mum!

Before you become a parent, you’re filled with this sick kind of optimism, but nowadays I like to call it blind and plainly idiotic naivety. You have this perfect idea of motherhood and everything it entails. You have all of these admirable morals and strict rules that you absolutely will stick to, such as no TV or no swearing or whatever else. But try as you might, parenting will break you. You won’t be the mum you set out to be, no matter how hard you try. AND THAT IS OKAY!

So, in celebration of how awesome being a mum is, here are my top 8 things that I never thought I’d hear myself say when I became a mum.

I apologise in advance…

“Why have you done a poo on the floor, RIGHT NEXT TO YOUR POTTY?”


Oh potty training. It’s a delight, it really is…

“Stop eating your bogeys”
 
Yep. Accompanied by my cringing after she does exactly that and says “mmmmm” and licks her lips while she does it. Pure, grotesque cringe.

“No thanks, I want to wipe my own bum actually!”
 
Now that potty training has started, that apparently means that my toilet business is her business. I am congratulated with a well done and clapping hands, and forced to show her what I’ve done. She then extends the tissue to me, and it takes one hell of a lot of force to get it off her so I can wipe my own arse.

“It’s “clock”, not “cock”!”
 
This is the newest one. I don’t even care about this really, I think it’s bloody hilarious!

“Why have you got highlighter on your face?”
 
 
 
Months later, I’m still angry about this… I can’t remember what we were doing… I think she got out of bed after a nap one morning super quietly, found a bright pink highlighter and drew on herself, the wall, the bed, EVERYTHING.

“Stop trying to climb back up into my womb!”
 
That’s not normal right? I swear she’s trying to get back in there some days the way she’ll crawl underneath me and then stand up right under my crotch!

“Don’t worry, she’s not saying “fucking hell”, she’s saying “sparkly hair”…”
 
Yep that’s another one of those hilarious things that sound like swear words but really aren’t… Promise!

“Really? You want Siri to beatbox AGAIN?!”

I hate Siri. Being a parent is a good enough reason to ban iPhones. Or any kind of thing that talks back to you. I am never getting an Alexa.

 

See? Either my daughter is super gross and crazy, or everyone has things like this… I REAAAALLLY hope it’s not just me. Either way, being a mum  is amazing, with or without these hilarious moments that come with the role.

I would love to know what your “I never thought I’d say that” moments are, too! Let us know in the comments or on Facebook 🙂

Monday Stumble LinkyKeep Calm and Carry On Linking SundayMum Muddling Through

Mum guilt: I can’t live with or without you

Definitely not a tribute to U2’s famous classic, but definitely how I feel about this whole parenting thing sometimes… okay, more often than not.

I recently started university again full-time, and it’s incredibly full on. I barely have time to think about anything that’s not law-related. Except, when I’m there, everything I think about is baby-related.

Our recent settling in sessions with the childminder have been great, Olivia has enjoyed them and is always happy as anything when we pick her up, but it doesn’t make the guilt of leaving her any easier.

The guilt eats at you all day.  Some days since re-starting my education I have only seen her for 20 minutes in the morning, and it’s been Daddy picking her up from the childminder because I have so much work to do and can’t afford the distraction of coming home to try and study. As disciplined as I am and as good at time-management as I am, my baby is a distraction. Normally in a good way, in that I just want to spend as much time cuddling her as possible to make up for the time I’ve missed with her.

BUT

The screaming fits are a worse distraction. Far worse.

Does anyone else have a 16 month old who already is the worst behaved little screaming diva? Come on, she’s not 2 yet, those terrible twos should be at least 8 months away!

For the most part, her screaming is a normal part of our daily life now, and it’s something you become somewhat immune/deaf to. Or maybe she’s just reached a pitch that only dogs can hear (if so, I apologise to my neighbours and half of my street).

But it’s one of those awful situations where you’ve missed them so much, you come home and no angelic little sweetheart is waiting for you. Oh no, it’s your darling devil child coming to play, kicking and screeching and really making you wish you’d stayed at work/uni longer, whatever the case may be.

Then you see them snoring away peacefully, and back comes the guilt. Why didn’t I just hug her when she was crying and what am I doing wrong for her to scream like this? The truth is you didn’t hug her because she’d been screaming at you and started kicking/scratching/smacking you and that’s not okay, you had a short fuse because your brain is fried and what your child is doing should be classed as some sort of inhumane treatment, right? And secondly, you’re not doing anything wrong. I’ve come to the conclusion that this is a game she plays to make me feel guilty as hell. They know what they’re doing, don’t be fooled!

So, I’m no longer a stay at home mum – to be honest, I was never home all of the time anyway. She would always have the odd day here or there without me, but never as often as this right now. It’s a huge adjustment for the both of us. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that the guilt may always be there in the back of my mind even when it no longer bothers me.

For now though, every day is a struggle to be away from her and keep my sanity or to be with her and keep my sanity. And so, babies, this is our dilemma. Please understand and spare us mummies and daddies one night of respite, let us sleep it off and start afresh tomorrow.

Perhaps all parents are destined to be insane, just a little bit…

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